her big disappointment. There was a big tug of war internally
as I considered going to the person in charge of the Bible bucks
store, telling her the story, and trying to make it all better with
a replacement cover. But I also knew this could be an
important learning experience for mom and daughter. I want
to empower my children to speak up when they have desires
and disappointments. Maybe this was one of those times. I felt
conflicted. I honestly don’t think there is a “right or wrong”
approach here, but it was a chance to dialogue and learn for
both of us. On that day I decided I would not intervene but
would support. My daughter knew that I would be by her side
as coach if she decided to communicate her wish, but this time
I was not going to try and fix it for her.
That afternoon, I was relaxing and reading through
Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly,” and the chapter on
Wholehearted Parenting.20 A brief definition of Wholehearted
is someone who is resilient to shame, believes in her
worthiness, and is emotionally healthy. Brown is a vulnerability
researcher and discovered something that caught my attention
in light of my morning experience. “What do parents
experience as the most vulnerable and bravest thing that they
do in their efforts to raise Wholehearted children?. . . . letting
their children struggle and experience adversity.”21 As coach
mom, I was grateful for confirmation on that day. As hard as
it is to do sometimes, letting my child feel, deal with, and
experience adversity has great value. Each situation is different,
but in general, children need a coach rather than a feelings
denier or a fixer. They need a parent that they feel securely
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