uncomfortable place. No matter the source, my spouting off
in such a moment is not helpful, in any way, for anyone. It only
leads to greater frustration for the child I am trying to “fix”
and leads them to feel “mom just doesn’t understand me.” And
thus attachment challenges are passed from parent to child. It
requires a great deal of intention and practice to change such
patterns, but it can be done.
****
Along my journey toward healthier attachment with
my loved ones and greater awareness of my emotions, one
January I chose a meditation focus to practice throughout the
next 365 days. For all of 2015 my mantra became “reflect, don’t
fix.” It was something I practiced over and over again. While
doing yoga or sitting in silent meditation, I would breathe in
“reflect” and breathe out “don’t fix.” When confronted with
an actual fix it temptation, before speaking, I did the same. I
changed several account passwords to “reflect, don’t fix.”
Everything that I could do to saturate my heart and mind with
this thought was helpful.
Reflect has a twofold meaning. When confronted with
a situation, stop and reflect before speaking. In addition, when
in the presence of another’s frustration, offer words of
reflection and empathy rather than suggestions on how to
make it all better. In other words, mirror the other person.
As is almost always the case, when I set my mind and
heart toward a specific intent, situations arise to allow me to
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