and able to receive their emotions; it is important to make sure
we have our facts straight before we challenge another; other
people may have things going on in their lives that lead to an
over response that has nothing to do with us; we should not
apologize if we don’t truly mean it, but if there are honest
heartfelt apologies to be made, it can help restore a
I did not need to jump in and try to fix this on any level.
Shared words of reflection were enough. This is not to say that
I never intervene on behalf of my children. At times, I do. But
as they get older, the goal is to empower them to handle
situations of conflict. I try to first reflect their feelings and
concerns, and then ask permission to offer any advice. I am
learning to be ok when my offer is rejected. As a mom, I prefer
the role of coach rather than savior or fixer. The bottom line
truth is that I have no power to fix or save. But I can work to
model and live a life of healthy emotional expression. Then,
the opportunity for attachment healing within myself and my
child is possible. This is true even as I interact with my grown
So many of the lessons that I learned in the school of
“Emotions 101” didn’t happen until my sons were practically
grown and gone from our home. Though many times I wished
for a do-over with them, obviously that is not possible. But
there are healing pathways within relationships, and it is never
too late to do my part to make amends. I agree with Maya
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