this fear has shown up in the form of a low rumbling anxiety
as well as wake up in the night, paralyzing terror. Neither one
proved helpful.
I wasted a tremendous amount of parental energy
during times when I desperately attempted to fix and control
my kids. The mental gymnastics I used to perform seeking to
affect, influence, or control my children or their choices were
exhausting. Sometimes when things were rocky, I looked for
someone to blame myself, my husband, a friend, or a teacher.
I often talk the talk of trust and release of my children into
God’s hands, but I sometimes stumble in the execution of this
belief.
At this stage of my motherhood journey, my desire is
to live in a more contemplative space on the matter of my
children and their lives. Rather than list out Tricia’s agenda for
each of them, I often symbolically hold them in my hands, lift
them up to God, and release them to God’s grace and care.
Sometimes it is a severe relinquishment.
There are certainly times when it is wise for me to
speak up and offer gentle guidance. That most often depends
upon the age of my child and sometimes whether or not they
ask for my thoughts. I have learned that it is often wise to say,
“Do you want some ideas? Do you want to know what I
think?” It takes restraint because my impulse is often to spout
off advice and offer all sorts of solutions to a problem. There
are times that it seems wisest to be silent, even if my heart
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