pearls around the neck • 85
I sipped my perfectly chilled Chardonnay, wondering when we were going to have a bite of the chocolate
It seemed, however, that the evening was following a well-rehearsed protocol. “You’ll see, this is a lot of fun.”
Since here, in the US, everyone used “fun” for each and every purpose; I felt I was still entitled to some
caution… We then went to sit in the living room, in a circle around the “table” by which the nurse was
standing (with a masochistic gleam in her eye, putting a new twist on the announced “fun”).
“Ladies, friends, let me introduce you to Gwenn,” Krivia, as charming as ever, began. She was wearing a sari
that was dark orange, a color that did wonders for her, and ethnic jewelry, which gorgeously enhanced her
exotic features. I’d learned that Krivia had Indian origins, with Penny specifying: “Turban Indian, not carpet
Indian, you know what I mean.”
Applause and yelps of encouragement. “Gwenn works in my practice as a nurse, but she also has a small
private business on the side.”
Some of the guests obviously knew her already – a few squeals of acknowledgement from Shirley and Nancy
who visibly were already adepts.
“Tonight, Gwenn will be presenting the latest novelties in the Please Yourself, Fantasy Inc. collections. Now,
Gwenn, over to you.”
Nancy, the private banker, was wiggling in her own fat. She was tall, big and fat. Her chubby smile matched
her chubby baby face, with her fat lips pursed and seemingly ready, at any time, to execute a blow job; but I
must apologize, it was the context that brought on such thoughts and who knew what I’d have thought of
these lips, had we met for the first time in a patchwork quilting club.
More wine was poured, more appetizers were served.
“Before presenting the latest fashion, I would like to start a game that will last throughout the evening, to
make sure I fully get your attention. Here’s how it goes: as soon as I say the words ‘penis’ or ‘vagina’, the
first of you to raise her hand will be allowed to hold this large rubber penis. Let’s begin!!!” Gwen hollered,
warming up her audience.
The guests laughed groaningly, it was going to be fun, this Gwenn knew how to spice things up! And,
goodness, if you’d seen this thing! “I wouldn’t mind holding that in my hand a few seconds!” whispered
Nancy in my ear. Her breath was burning hot. I recoiled – she definitely did not belong to any patchwork-
Gwenn unwrapped a contraption, which looked like a blue and green rubber unicorn the size of a wrist. She
pressed a button on the animal’s belly; a soft whirring started and the mythical creature started wriggling.
“This is the Unicorn model. Last year, I presented the Dolphin and Charley the Chimp; this season, I believe
that the unicorn will make you discover enchanted lands of pleasure. Its little horn knows where to go and
knead erogenous zones mercilessly, just near the opening of the vagina…”
“Aaah”, “Hey”, shrieked the overexcited guests, all raising their hands. “Vagina, vagina, you said it, I get
to hold the ginormous dick!!!” “No! I was first,” Penny retorted, fighting back… the rest of them giggling
Gwenn threw the rubber penis in the air and the girls all jumped up for it (much like bridesmaids fighting
for the bouquet) while Gwenn, unruffled, went on specifying that Unicorn excitement was available with
batteries or with a power cord.
Next to me, Shirley started a veritable debate. Her shortly cropped platinum blond hair, her large earrings,
her cleavage of beautiful, silicone-engineered (at least three times) breasts and her hands covered with
many carats of gold and diamonds, all wiggled with overwhelming sexual energy: “Girls, I vote in favor of
the model with the power cord. I have scathing memories of having been left hanging by battery-operated
models that failed when I was about to come… It was awful!” “No way,” Penny responded, “It’s much better