This was a great opportunity for me to step into the role of an
emotion coach. “Tell me how you feel. I understand that
feeling and have felt that way as well. Let’s figure out together
healthy ways to express your emotions and deal with the
situation.”
On that Sunday when my sweet girl joined me on the
couch, I did my best to be a coach. I shared her disappointment
and celebrated that she stayed in line and purchased the
altruistic five cans of food for someone who is hungry despite
her big disappointment. There was a big tug of war internally
as I considered going to the person in charge of the Bible bucks
store, telling her the story, and trying to make it all better with
a replacement cover. But I also knew this could be an
important learning experience for mom and daughter. I want
to empower my children to speak up when they have desires
and disappointments. Maybe this was one of those times. I felt
conflicted. I honestly don’t think there is a “right or wrong”
approach here, but it was a chance to dialogue and learn for
both of us. On that day I decided I would not intervene but
would support. My daughter knew that I would be by her side
as coach if she decided to communicate her wish, but this time
I was not going to try and fix it for her.
That afternoon, I was relaxing and reading through
Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly,” and the chapter on
Wholehearted Parenting.21 A brief definition of Wholehearted
is someone who is resilient to shame, believes in her
worthiness, and is emotionally healthy. Brown is a vulnerability
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