researcher and discovered something that caught my attention
in light of my morning experience. “What do parents
experience as the most vulnerable and bravest thing that they
do in their efforts to raise Wholehearted children?. . . . letting
their children struggle and experience adversity.”22 As coach
mom, I was grateful for confirmation on that day. As hard as
it is to do sometimes, letting my child feel, deal with, and
experience adversity has great value. Each situation is different,
but in general, children need a coach rather than a feelings
denier or a fixer. They need a parent that they feel securely
attached to who can mirror their feelings. We as parents need
to be present in the midst of difficult emotions and learn to
tolerate our own discomfort as we work to guide and support.
As I became more mindful of such things, the opportunities to
respond to my children from a place of healthy attachment
continued to roll out before me.
Though I, as a mom, often feel pressure to be the fixer
of all things problematic for my children, it is much healthier
if I can take on the role of a reflector. When the temptation to
jump in and save my kids from all hardship arises, there is also
an invitation to walk alongside and serve as a support and a
At one point, one of our daughters was over thinking
and really struggling to do a task that was important for her to
accomplish. Something that typically takes about one to two
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