to help them come to a more peaceful place? Like some kind
of savior or super hero, how can I swoop in and make it all
better? I respond this way as a result of my particular
attachment challenges, assuming that no one else is going to
address a problem if I don’t take charge.
In reality, this “I must fix it” response comes from a
place where my own anxiety around normal human emotional
expression rises. It sometimes reveals a selfish focus on how I
may appear as mom/wife/person, and other times exposes a
limited tolerance for seeing someone I love in an
uncomfortable place. No matter the source, my spouting off
in such a moment is not helpful, in any way, for anyone. It only
leads to greater frustration for the child I am trying to “fix”
and leads them to feel “mom just doesn’t understand me.” And
thus attachment challenges are passed from parent to child. It
requires a great deal of intention and practice to change such
patterns, but it can be done.
****
Along my journey toward healthier attachment with
my loved ones and greater awareness of my emotions, one
January I chose a meditation focus to practice throughout the
next 365 days. For all of 2015 my mantra became “reflect, don’t
fix.” It was something I practiced over and over again. While
doing yoga or sitting in silent meditation, I would breathe in
“reflect” and breathe out “don’t fix.” When confronted with
an actual fix it temptation, before speaking, I did the same. I
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