to help them come to a more peaceful place? Like some kind
of savior or super hero, how can I swoop in and make it all
better? I respond this way as a result of my particular
attachment challenges, assuming that no one else is going to
address a problem if I don’t take charge.
In reality, this “I must fix it” response comes from a
place where my own anxiety around normal human emotional
expression rises. It sometimes reveals a selfish focus on how I
may appear as mom/wife/person, and other times exposes a
limited tolerance for seeing someone I love in an
uncomfortable place. No matter the source, my spouting off
in such a moment is not helpful, in any way, for anyone. It only
leads to greater frustration for the child I am trying to “fix”
and leads them to feel “mom just doesn’t understand me.” And
thus attachment challenges are passed from parent to child. It
requires a great deal of intention and practice to change such
patterns, but it can be done.
Along my journey toward healthier attachment with
my loved ones and greater awareness of my emotions, one
January I chose a meditation focus to practice throughout the
next 365 days. For all of 2015 my mantra became “reflect, don’t
fix.” It was something I practiced over and over again. While
doing yoga or sitting in silent meditation, I would breathe in
“reflect” and breathe out “don’t fix.” When confronted with
an actual fix it temptation, before speaking, I did the same. I
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