upset and felt unjustly accused. As a bit of backstory, as a child
and sometimes even as an adult, I would almost rather curl up
and die than be confronted by an angry authority figure. My
This situation offered up a chance to practice my 2015
focus. I literally took a deep breath, breathed in “reflect” and
then out “don’t fix.” The predominant voice in my head said,
“Put your own issues and ego aside. This is a tremendous
learning opportunity for your daughter.” An incredibly mature
and fruitful conversation ensued. A few of the lessons that we
discussed were: when we confront people, we need to be ready
and able to receive their emotions; it is important to make sure
we have our facts straight before we challenge another; other
people may have things going on in their lives that lead to an
over response that has nothing to do with us; we should not
apologize if we don’t truly mean it, but if there are honest
heartfelt apologies to be made, it can help restore a
I did not need to jump in and try to fix this on any level.
Shared words of reflection were enough. This is not to say that
I never intervene on behalf of my children. At times, I do. But
as they get older, the goal is to empower them to handle
situations of conflict. I try to first reflect their feelings and
concerns, and then ask permission to offer any advice. I am
learning to be ok when my offer is rejected. As a mom, I prefer
the role of coach rather than savior or fixer. The bottom line
truth is that I have no power to fix or save. But I can work to
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