disagree. This is a very real aspect of our daughters’ possible
stories. Chances are that we will never know the full details
behind each of their individual early lives, but they too are part
of a larger narrative. If they can use Google, which they most
certainly can, they will know. I believe that it is my
responsibility to introduce to them, in age appropriate ways,
this heart-wrenching shadow of an oft prettified face of
adoption, before they are blindsided by it from some other
I remember when one of our girls was in kindergarten,
she came home one day and said this: “Molly in my class said
that the mommies and daddies in China love their boys more
than their girls. Is that true?” I honestly thought that I had
more time before she would be confronted with some of the
cultural realities that may or may not have led to her landing in
an American family across the world from where she was born.
I wanted to be the one to introduce her to the nuances and
complexities around this idea. But on that day, I did the best I
could to begin the lifelong conversation around why and how
and for what reason she ended up in our family. The
conservative Christian go-to narrative when life gets
complicated is often, “it’s all part of God’s plan.” That wasn’t
going to cut it here. And what adopted child would then decide
to trust a God like that?
When I first began to awaken to the underside of the
China adoption program, I felt physically ill and had to wrestle
with and slowly let the realities seep into my mind, heart, and
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