children. He always had more energy and patience with play
activity, and he pulled his weight when there were mini crises
along the parenting way. But the day-to-day myriad of details
and tasks involving children and home mostly fell to me.
Sometimes when he pitched in on the mundane day-to-day
tasks, I was critical and frustrated that he didn’t do it “my way.”
I needed to release control and accept that there is more than
one way to load a dishwasher...
On reflection, I wish that a more integrated
partnership had been a conscious and discussed desire during
the early days of a now thirty-three year marriage. The reality
is that it took us over thirty years to navigate and negotiate a
more intentional side-by-side relationship. I wasn’t even
particularly aware of my own desires in this area. The reasons
for this are many, yet I am grateful for the ongoing journey to
a place of more satisfying partnership.
In April of 2015, we celebrated a milestone event for
Mark and his career. He stepped aside from the role of
chairman of his company and began a several years long
ramping down of the time that he spends at work. Though he
is not yet retiring, his focus is in transition. This was a much
planned for adjustment from both the home and work sides of
the equation. Our family is already enjoying the many benefits
of this decision.
When we dated and dreamed of our married days, it
was always my wish to stay at home with children. I have kind
of made a career of it! Some mothers have this same desire and
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