I started to share my insecurities with my husband as
well as get curious about what he was thinking and feeling. In
earlier days, I often acted as if I could read his mind as I
assigned motives and thoughts to him through my own filter.
I found out that most of the time, I was a terrible mind reader!
I began to ask my husband and children to help with
all of the many tasks required to manage a home and family.
When we get together in large family settings or vacations, we
now literally prepare spreadsheets of shared responsibilities.
Everyone pitches in to help with cooking, cleaning, arranging
outings, and all of the details surrounding such gatherings. My
husband and I do not have to carry so much of the physical
burden around the logistics of our family get-togethers. I can
ask for help when I need it. Special connections are formed
and solidified among various family members as we work,
cook, and clean side by side.
In other words, my family mirrored my emotions and
needs. They SAW me. I could only receive this gift after I
began to deeply know that I was worthy of such support. When
I began to speak up and ask for what I wanted, they began
paying attention to my own unique needs and then meeting
them. This began within the wife/husband relationship and
then extended out into our family.
When I was no longer in a place of feeling ignored,
inadequate, or overwhelmed, I was in a healthier position to be
a parent to my daughters who desperately needed me to be
fully present for them. When I finally faced my attachment